Even Jedi Have Secrets
by Rogo
Summary: Siri Tachi talkes with a worried Ferus about her feelings for Obi-Wan and helps him deal with his own feelings about a fellow Padawan.Vignette.


_This is a story I wrote after much consideration. Sorry if it does not reach your expectations (I myself have high expectations for Siri/Obi fanfics) but this story was just something I wanted to get of my chest. It's half for me. But I hope you enjoy anyway._

_All Siri/ Kenobi lovers dance around and scream! You rule!_

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Siri Tachi looked out across the large bright room as she leaned languidly against a tall column, half hidden, arms crossed.

Even till that day, she had always marveled at the beauty of this room in the temple. Gentle light filtered in through glass in the dome, illuminating the ancient designs on the vast marble floors and eight large columns reached as high as the ceiling, making the hall look even larger.

This was one of the largest quarters in the temple and one of the most often used. Frequently considered a common area, there were usually more Jedi in the hall, but today, only a number of them were around, sitting, meditating, and strolling with their comrades.

Siri's eyes were cast out to the center of the vast floor where, in their little traditional Jedi tunics, sat a group of padawan learners, of various species, none of them older than five years of age. With their backs to her, they sat crossed legged on the marble floor. Despite their childish fidgeting; their attentions were clearly set on a short green Jedi. Master Yoda.

Though Siri could not hear him, Yoda was addressing them kindly, and gesturing with his cane. By the laughter and giggles that suddenly burst from the younglings, Yoda had apparently said something quite funny.

Siri's lips curved into a soft smile, she had almost forgotten that even the most ancient and powerful master Jedi had a sense of humor. It had been so long since she had heard the soft sound of gentle laughs, and chuckles. Her last mission had lasted several grueling moths, and what serious, laugh less months they had been.

But her eyes didn't linger on the group or Jedi master for long, but strayed to the figure right beside Yoda.

Towering next to the Master Jedi was Ob-Wan Kenobi, calm and prominent as ever. He stood quietly next to Yoda, legs apart, arms folded, and eyes looking kindly down at the younglings. He was dressed in the usual pale Jedi tunic and brown boots, lightsaber hanging from the utility belt on his waist. He lacked only his brown Jedi robe.

Yoda was apparently using Kenobi as an example of some kind.

Obi-Wan chucked along with the young padawans. He looked content and calm as he stood. His short sandy brown hair shone in the glowing light of the hall.

Siri could clearly see that Obi-Wan had shaved his beard, perhaps during the last month or so, but a new beard was beginning to take its place.

The longer she somewhat hid behind the marble column and looked out upon the young Jedi master, the softer her gaze became. Her whole self relaxed, as it had not done in many months, years perhaps! It had seemed such a long time since she had seen him, and a longer time since she had seen him this calm and carefree. Kenobi's eyes glinted as he kneeled to be eye level to one of the padawans, and again a grin appeared.

For one unexpected moment, Siri felt her heart jolt and her lips part at his smile, and everything else disappeared.

"Master," said a firm voice at her shoulder. She had not sensed Ferus's presence and was slightly surprised when she turned to her tall apprentice. She inwardly scolded herself for the moment of…weakness.

"Ferus, I thought you were with Darra and master Antana." She said, pulling herself together, and shielding her embarrassment.

"Yes, Master, but the council has requested Master Anatana's presence," Ferus replied respectfully.

They stood together for a few moments, content in silence, eyes wandering throughout the large room. Then she turned back her apprentice…

But Siri could sense something in his blue gaze, as she looked into his young face. She could sense a troubled curiosity.

She furrowed her brow slightly, and stood straight. Ferus respectfully turned away, trying to hide his thoughts. Yet Siri could still see an inner struggle.

"Speak, padawan, you obviously have something on your mind,"

She took a step forward to begin a stroll as they would talk, expecting he would fall in step beside her. But this time he didn't. There was silence for a few moments.

"Do you have feelings for Master Kenobi?"

Siri breath came short. She halted and turned back to him, brows furrowed.

"Master," he added respectfully, eyes on the floor. Siri was half glad he had whispered it, even though there were no other Jedi behind the shadow of the large column.

She deliberately looked calm, breathing slowly, evenly, and her face relaxed into a inquisitive expression even though her mind was screaming with disbelief.

"What makes you think that, Ferus?"

Ferus's eyes flickered from the floor, "Forgive me, Master, I have no right-"he began, but Siri interrupted him.

"Ferus," she took a step forward, "you are my apprentice, and my friend. We keep no secrets from each other," she paused, "and we are Jedi, we have no secrets," she continued calmly, even though she knew what she said was false. _No matter what, everyone had secrets, even Jedi._

Ferus looked at her with slight relief.

"Again, what makes you think that?" She urged.

"I'm not entirely sure, Master… I know it is against the code, but sometimes- rarely, I can see it, sense it in you when he is around. A connection that lasts only a second, and disappears as it had never been there. "He paused, searching for the right words and Siri waited.

"You seem different when he and Anakin on missions with us… more alive, happy. I feel only I notice, but I know something it there,"

He continued. "And just now, I saw it. I have never seen you smile like that. Forgive me, master I know it sounds absurd, you even make a show of how much he annoys you, but I cannot help but assume that your relationship with Master Kenobi goes beyond deep friendship,"

_Blast! See what just one moment of distraction can get you into, _Siri told at herself.

Ferus watched as Siri turned her back to him and look out once again to Obi-Wan in the distance. He was kneeling now, gently showing a Padawan the traditional meditating position.

She took a breath, choose her words carefully, and then spoke very quietly. "Yes, Ferus, along time ago. When Obi-Wan and I were just Padawans we grew… close, on a particular mission,"

"_On a doomed ship," Siri said. "So I guess the question is, what would we have been?" _

_She tightened her grip on his hand. She leaned forward, and put her lips against his cheek. She didn't kiss him. She just rested there._

"_Whatever happens," she whispered against his cheek, "I'll remember this."_

"We hoped to keep it a secret. We both were reluctant to leave the Jedi,"

"_They won't allow it. And I won't let you leave the Jedi. I know what is cost you last time." _

"_I don't want to leave the Jedi. And I know you couldn't. _

"_Its everything to me," Siri said. "its part of me. Its home." Her voice was soft. "but so are you."_

" but we apparently didn't hide it well enough. Master Jinn found out, and told Master Yoda. We had to end it." Siri still stared unfocused out into the distance of the hall as if the very memories lay there.

_Don't look at me like that," She said in almost in a whisper. "You look as though you're saying good-by." _

_Obi-Wan said nothing._

"We promised to speak or think of it again," Siri paused and turned to Ferus again. "I'm breaking my promise."

Ferus's eyes were sad and worried. "Do you regret it, Master?" he asked tentatively.

"Our promise not to peruse our feelings?" He nodded.

Siri smiled. "Deep in my meditations I sometimes wonder what it would have been like, but… no, Ferus, I do not regret it. We are Jedi and we have our duties. Master Yoda was right, emotions get in the way."

Siri was surprised to see Ferus's face become even more miserable as he looked away. His steps were heavy as he walked to a marble bench carved into the wall. Sitting he looked at the floor. Siri raised a brow.

"Ferus, what has brought up these questions?"

Siri walked over and sat beside him, trying to discern what was troubling him.

He seemed so reluctant but eventually spoke.

"Lately I have had… feelings, Master," He bit his lip. "for a fellow Padawan." His last words were almost a whisper.

Siri was very surprised but kept her face indifferent.

"Who, Ferus? If I may inquire," Siri asked. Just then Ferus looked up and out into the vast room. It was only moments to see his eyes fell on a young Padawan learner with bright copper and gold hair and bright ribbons woven through her slender Padawan braid. Darra Thel-Tanis and her Master, Soara Antana seemed to have returned from a meeting with master Windu and were their way to speak with Yoda.

"Darra?" Siri asked looking back at Ferus whose head was now in his hands. She could see him give a faint nod.

"Ferus, you are only 17, every Padawans learner experiences hormones, which-"Ferus suddenly looked appalled.

"No master. It is beyond that." Siri nodded.

"It's hard to explain. Sometimes I just want to look at her, being next to her is enough. Every time she leaves for a mission I fear for her beyond anything,"

Siri could now truly how human this boy was, no- not boy, man. Despite his pretentious nature at times, he was like everyone else. She was at a loss of words.

They sat in silence for a few moments before Siri spoke.

"Does she return your feelings?"

"I do not know. I have never intended to speak to her about it. I wouldn't dare. " His voice was heavy. She felt a twinge of pity for him.

"Then unfortunately, this is a burden you carry on your own. You have a choice, Ferus, bury these feelings as you have been doing, or make this much more complicated. You could become a great Jedi, I know it, but it is up to you. There is no room for love, Ferus. If Master Kenobi and I had not decided to forsake our feelings, it would have become a distraction to our duty to the Jedi, and Obi-Wan would not have become the great Jedi he is today, no matter how reluctant I am to admit it." She laughed halfheartedly.

"It seems impossible," Ferus said finally.

"As hell it does. But it is your choice, my young apprentice."

"You still seem to have feelings Master Kenobi,"

She took a shuddering breath.

"And I will continue to have feelings for the pompous man, but secretly, Ferus."

"Then we will both hide it, Master. Together." Ferus said inaudibly giving her a rare smile.

Siri laughed.

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_Sorry if the ending cheesy. _


End file.
